I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
Last comment. I know of no exercises, diets or practices out there to help keeping balls young and healthy. They simply succumb to gravity.
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
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