My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
I'm really ok with inappropriate relationships. They are my favorite of all the relationships. No need to be timid. For crying out loud.
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
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