who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
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