the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
Well, let's be honest here. You're dealing with gay guys... EVERYTHING has an emotional attachment.
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
Randomize
