PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
She's still too new to the group to be comfortable with us just sitting down as a group and watching porn on the tv.
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
Randomize
