Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
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