im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
i finally watched harry potter... a tad unrealistic if you ask me... i mean a ginger kid with 2 friends?
Question: Would it be wrong to just fuck both of them and decide who to date one performance of their cocks?
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
I agree and I would be an awesome dog
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
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