Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
Randomize
