so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize
