So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
Randomize
