Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
These freshmen are fun! The redhead wants to practice her blowjob skills with me and let me rate different moves!
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
Randomize
