So today I found out that our school is known as the herpes school
Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
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