Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
Randomize
