I'm thinking of having one or both of my boobs out. They're small but they're mighty.
Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
Randomize
