i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
Randomize
