Good luck man
I dont need it. Shes easy.
i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
Randomize
