if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
my nose is crying tears of wow.
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
Randomize
