i just went dwnstairs and there are 5 guys without their shirts on hugging each other. i think i should leave now
I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
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