I think we should start referring to bisexuals as "strays"
"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
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