So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
Woo Hoo! Just saw Asian kids with rocker mullets. Tried to get a picture on my phone, but you know how those ninjas are.
Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
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