Actions speak louder than words. Her actions scream crazy.
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
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