I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize