he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
Randomize
