Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
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