Every time a guy reaches down to touch my vag, i feel really sorry for all the transgender girls who still have a penis there.
That's weird cause every time i feel a girls vag i feel way worse for all the guys who reached down there and got a penis.
If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
Randomize