He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
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