i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
Randomize
