bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
I'm a sociology major remember
Well that and comm
Basically you majored in how to get laid
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
Randomize
