Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
I plan on offering nudes to any guy that wants to give me notes from the past five weeks of class
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
there is partying, then there is whatever we did last night.
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
Randomize
