It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
Randomize
