so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
She does have a great personality.
Yeah, in her vagina.
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
Randomize
