You're so nebulous sometimes
Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
Randomize
