i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
Skanksgiving break is awesome already... pilgrim and indian roleplay tonight.
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
So the bros are yelling at another bro to get that dildo off the roof. And there is indeed a dildo looking object on the roof.
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
Randomize
