I mean a good dj is a huge turn on
pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
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