she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
Randomize
