The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
You wrote me a letter and I cannot make out anything you wrote except the last sentence which says "tell the wolf ill meet him at sunset and that I'm sorrry"
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
Randomize
