hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
I'm not sure if doing him was such a good idea. Yes the sex was good, but I'm scared I set myself up for failure in 2011 because he's the hottest guy. Ever.
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
Randomize
