ok i said sorry. what else do you want?
100 blowjobs
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
Randomize
