i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
this guy had a colored tattoo of Chucky on his leg, whatever drugs he does, i want them
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
I love random hookups in covid sex. Usually girls think me about a one and a half to a two and a half but now that I got this mask on I'm a Solid 6.
Randomize