i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
im almost positive that in mid thrust she told me she was pro choice
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
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