He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
Chapter 6 - how to lose your underwear in chicago
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
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