mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
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