im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
I wrote him a note at the end of the final. I'm hoping I can flirt my way in to an A or B
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
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