fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
You gave him head? He fingered you? A little bit of make out?
WHAT THE FUCK ITS LIKE YOU WERE THERE
My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
she just gave me a present from you... on a stripper pole. in front of the whole club. :)
WHY ISNT THIS A PICTURE MESSAGE
Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
Randomize
