His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
Randomize
