Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
hapi new year, hope this year brings u happiness and lots of sexi people ;)
stop writing like that.
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
Randomize
