wakey wakey hands off snakey
Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
so some random man just messaged me on facebook "tig ol bitties" should i be concerned?
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
Welcome to drink and talk like a Russian afternoon.
Pirate drinking day will be planned for shortly
I approve this so hard.
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
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