I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
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