Is it because I queefed?
They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
was this before of after we tobbganned into that tree?
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
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