His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
So he said if we had sex he'd take me to Build A Bear. My virginity is so worth a trip to build a bear.
You're 20.
IT'S BUILD A BEAR!
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
I wonder if there is a über wall of shame that you are currently on. Like between drivers.
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
Randomize
