No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
just found a picture from last night.
the one of you riding a horse with nothing but a bulletproof vest on?
uhm.... no?...
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
Randomize
