I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Randomize