I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
Either way, he made a blog for his cat.
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
Damn victory sex feels great
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
He did a backflip because drugs
Randomize
