Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
thanks for not wanting to stay all night or talk or anything, nice to have a fuck buddy who really doesnt take the buddy part serious
I'm all about the fuck
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
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