He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose.
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
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