hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
I don't think this guy is worth it unless he's a skilled sexual amigo
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
Randomize