make any headway on the foot/dick situation?
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
Randomize
