i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
Idk. Each time I ask him about double teaming a woman with Dennis Rodman he just giggles. We will never know what to believe.
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
Randomize
