help help how do i get him away from me should i talk in a robot voice or something
i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
how does that bad decision feel?
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
Randomize
