sooooo how many boyfriends is too many?
Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
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