Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
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