In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
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