Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
found a new level of pathetic. i watched a guy pick out cigarette butts from a jar that weren't completely finished. make sure you go somewhere in life.
Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
its always fun the next morning to look around the room and see where all the clothing landed.
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
Randomize
