I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
If i theoretically had to put an iv back in what do I need to do?
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
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