she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
I don't understand why we need a holiday to become more aware of boobs...
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
final thoughts: i just want someone into choking me out, weed and anime
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
Randomize
