ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
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