Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
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