It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
theres pictures of him knuckle deep in her, both of them thumbs up and cheesin. someone should take her kid away
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
Randomize