Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
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