please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
Randomize
