The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
Hooked up with 8 guys, puked 4 times, got a few bruises, and my face is still numb... I think this visit has truly impacted my college decision
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
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