My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
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