Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
It was beautiful and filled the audience with hope for the future. :3 I wish I could speak more but sleep werk nighty
I asked how you were doing?
Randomize