I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
i just remember pinky promising you guys to take care of him.
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
Randomize
