I would say the hottest chick there looked like Susan Boyle and the ugliest like Bea Arthur
Nice use of current day folklore
I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
Randomize
