I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
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