i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
I'm sending you a dick pic. Ill tell the other ppl in this pancheros its cool
Don't send a pic of dick unless it's inside the burrito
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize