It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
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