The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
Randomize
