Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
You're earring is so big in my mouth
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
Randomize
