I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
Do you knowwwwww you never ha to pee while lhr on eztacy
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
Randomize
