You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
Randomize
