5 years of college and never once did they teach us how to respond when you overhear a group of 7th grade boys who are in your class talking about how you're definitely DTF
children are so perceptive these days... and horny
ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
Randomize
