If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
Nvm, he just almost drank his drink from last night, his drink that has the condom in it. Kinda answers my question.
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
Randomize
