honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
There's a group of australian girls next to me. can't take them seriously. think they are going to turn into mr g
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
Randomize
