it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
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