Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
Just bought a german beer stein with tuition cash. no regrets
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
Randomize
