Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
Get your damn GED now that you are harvesting a child in her belly
What is a GED?
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
He made me a period mix..should I back out now?
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
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