so that wasnt chicken after all
last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
No it's a real cult, with original ideas and shit like that
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
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