i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
Not going to lie- I'm a little freaked out camping right now. This is one of those high activities you don't do by yourselves...or close to bears
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
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