I have my period so I felt bad and blew him with cash cab in the background. I wanted to yell out the answers but my mouth was full.
My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
Randomize