you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
Randomize
